Thoughts

yes, im still super excited with the Ravens and how we had so much fun on the softball field today! man....16 innings nonstop! (never had that at NYCBC!!!) hahahah that was alot of fun! but yea, u know what? i guess everything this past few weeks have really been fun, but they have covered what ive been really feeling i guess..... sure hangin out with the niners were fun.... biking, mr and mrs smith, more biking, fireworks, softball....those were AMAZING times.... but as ive sorta talked about in my Canada Day post, ive been feeling lonely.... yea... i guess its expected that everybody experiences loneliness, but its been real hard these past two weeks.... but Gods actually been giving me signs and opportunities to seek his help..... I'm reading Max Lucado's "Come Thirsty" rite now...(yes, the book that E gave me for my bday), and its been really refreshing to be reminded of God's presence and help........today's sermon reminded me of God's greatness and how he is ALWAYS there for me....and then one of the softball devos: leave your life decisions to God....... man, they were all such great signs and motivation for me to stop feeling so lonely, but i stll feel it......i really wanna just feel normal and just be happy with life, but the loneliness lingers on..........theres a huge empty feeling in my heart......my heart is torn, its been crushed, its been broken, whatever u wanna call it........its just been so frustrating that i still feel like that even though i wanna feel better so BAD!!!!! argh..... but i just cant seem to let go..... its hard man....only a few ppl know how im feeling, and im thankful for their advice and support, but this is a struggle that only I can determine the result.....and rite now, its beating me.... im losing, but i'll press on........"i need You, God, to truly shine in me"