For God Only

Today I went to the HK church that I havent been to since the last time I visited HK, and although the service was all in chinese, I still understood most of it. So whats so interesting about today's church visit? Well its cuz tears of joy came out again. Yea..this does make me kinda "weak"...hahah I mean...two straight weeks at church where I cried?! (doesnt include last week when I was on the plane to HK) Anyways..the reason I HAD to mention this was that these past two times when I cried during the singspirations of both services....its cuz they were the first few times I felt Gods hands around me, comforting me admist the emotional struggles I was having. What He showed me during the times of worship were so amazing, I felt I had to type it on here, thus sharing it to those who read my blog. He started with the introduction opening verses: Psalm 92:4-5. These verses just opened my heart and my eyes to the wonderful works God has created in this world and also those that He has shown through me. I look at all the blessings He has given me, and I wonder to myself why I am still struggling emotionally when He has given me so much already. The opening song for the service was, rightfully, GIVE THANKS, which was a song I havent heard in a long while, but God surprises you in mysterious ways, and through this song, God allowed me to appreciate all He has given me. All of this made me break down because I have wrongfully left God away from the important things in my life. For the past year, I have been holding onto everything I have had by the rope in one hand, and in my other hand, I have been holding onto another rope that I had hoped it was God. But I was more focused on what I has holding in my first hand, which was everything I have worked hard for in my life, without even looking at God, who was patiently holding onto the second rope, waiting for me to put my focus back on him. But since the axe fell earlier this summer, my first rope has deceased to a single strand, and yet, I still hung onto it and kept my full focus onto it, despite God being on the second rope. But today, I remembered what a friend had told me earlier, and that is "To love is to be able to let go". I actually took this in two different meanings. Firstly, if I were to love someone, I had to be able to let it go. I have still been struggling in this, and it is the reason why I hung onto this mere thread. But the second, more important meaning was that to love God is to be able to let go of everything in life. I ignored my hold on the second rope because I wasnt willing to let go of everything in life. But now, God has shown me that His hand has been stretched out towards me ever since the day I was born. He has been by my side through every single success and every single trial. He has been there, patiently waiting, for me to let go of my hold on the things in life, and just reach out and grab His hand and to put my full trust in Him. Well, today is the day when I have decided to let go of that tiny thread and to grab hold of His outstretched hand and to trust in God in everything in my life. Ephesians 2:10 says that I am God's workmanship created in Jesus Christ to do good works which God has prepared in advance for me to do. In order to do His good works, I must trust in God, and now I give up everything in my life for Him. I have been blessed so much that I need nothing in this world but Jesus alone. Who would have known that at CM training two weeks ago, I had learned that "Having everything in life with Jesus is the same has having Jesus alone" would actually be applicable on my HK trip. So far, I have only been a week away from toronto, and I have already learned so much because God has shown my blessings, and also opened my eyes to the needs of the people of this world. I see my relatives, and although they seem satisfied in life, deep inside, their hearts crave for something everlasting. They need Jesus. I walk on the HK streets, and there are so many gloomy faces. They need Jesus. Who am I to be sad over my own problems. I need to give everything to God and leave all my worries for Him to take care of. I hope I can uphold this promise because seriously, everything I do should be FOR GOD ONLY. That will be my purpose in life from now on. For God Only. No more self-decisions in life...no more self-decisions in desires...no more self-decisions in love. I now rest my heart, my love, my life into Gods hands, because everything is For God Only.

HONG KONG!!!

heys from hongkong! haha... its so HOT here and very stuffy and kinda icky but things are really cool and theres so many places to go and visit!!! and of course, theres shopping!!!! hahahah but i'll prolly do most of that after the shanghai trip....so plenty of shopping left to do!!! (in other words...more fun up ahead!!!) so yea hahahahha got to meet my HK relatives and also grandpa, which is really cool cuz i havent seen them in a while! hahah and yea... i miss toronto, but u know HK is fun, and that is keeping me distracted from the "real" life haha....... its great to have vacations and stuff once in a while, and im so enjoyin it rite now! newayz, more HK fun for meeeeeeeeeeeee

Last pre-HK post...

So i did get one last chance to be on my comp, and i'll just say goodbye to everybody! haha... yea... thanx everybody for saying bye to me and wishing me fun and safety! i wish i can get everybody souvenirs and stuff, but im not that rich, so i'll just try my best! hahahahha hope u all hav fun in ur summers and God bless!!!!! see u all very sooon!!!!!!!!!!!!

The end of Sports Camp...the beginning of HK!

wow...can't believe sports camp is already over cuz it was alot of fun!!! hahhaha although i hafto say this yr wasnt as exciting as last yr, this yr was cool cuz we had rock climbing and fishin! hahaha yea... .fishing is considered a sport i guess...cuz its on TSN! hahahah so newayz, sports camp was cool cuz i got to knwo more about the gr7s and 8s and also the niners cuz alot of them helped out! But now its time for HK!!! hahah finally some time to just chill, relax, and SHOP!!! heheh...gonna buy alot of stuff and just hav fun and just clear my mind =) hehehhe so yea...i'll hopefully continue bloggin in HK, but it'll be tough! hahah cuz too much time for fun, and prolly very little time spent on the comp! hahah so yea...see u all in august!!!! =)

Sports Camp 2005

Two days have past and the camp has gone pretty well. It's been alot of fun playing basketball and badminton with the kids. I guess the only thing that was different than last year was that the curriculum seems weak and does not captivate the kids as much as last year. Also, last year I got to know the former grade eights so much more. Who knows, maybe the next three days will be opposite of what I think because my summer has been totally flipped upside down and I can never really hope for anything to happen because things this summer have been so unexpected. No matter what, I still gotta give thanx to God for sports camp and the chance to play sports with the kids and actually do something helpful in the summer.

I cried at church today...

Now doesnt that sound so un-tim-like? Well...yea, cuz im never that "sentimental" or "weak", but you know what? I couldnt handle it anymore. The lie has been in me for way too long. All of those "yea, im ok" to the "are you ok?" questions......well no, im not... its been a hard summer. Never have I had such an anticipated summer, and in return, never have I had such an unexpected summer. This was to be the best summer of my life, but rite now, everythings been going exactly opposite of what was to be. Not everything has been bad in summer cuz I did spend more time with the niners, but seriously, the main "thing" has been totally reversed, and to sum up all of the "troubles" ive been having: I've been heartbroken. Literally. Not joking. It's been a trainwreck summer becuz of that reason. Everything else has kept me going and has kept my spirit somewhat positive, but yea, heartbroken. So yea, thats why I actually teared up during singspiration today at church. But this problem is deeper than just that. Why did I tear up? well...heartbroken....BUT THEN WHY HEARTBROKEN?
We started out rite. We were....how shall i say? "destined"? that mite be stretching it, but we were so similar. We had connectedness. We were tight. Things looked great. Then "out of the blue"....WHAM... straight into my face. What did I do wrong? I dunno. And its not an "i have no idea what i did wrong""i dunno".....its an "i have no idea IF i did anything wrong""i dunno". But yea.....it went straight into my face like a pie. I really couldnt take it at first, but then i sorta "accepted" it by distracting myself with other things. But in the end, this still haunts me, and it haunted me today. To be forced to not love someone when the person was all you have ever dreamed about and wanted from God. To be forced to turn away when you have no idea if you have done something wrong. To be forced to forget the wonderful moments and signs that God had allowed to be seen. To be forced to not love the first person you seriously had feelings for (not like one of those infatuations). To be forced to resist loving someone whom you have loved for the "longest" time when things HAD STARTED both ways and was working well, yet to no avail, reduced to the simple "friend" and left hanging with only the tiniest possibility of ever having another chance. Heartbroken. Well...thats life, rite?
"With All I Am" was the song that the worship team led which struck me deep down. It spoke of giving up everything for God with every inch of your body...
~~~WITH ALL I AM~~~
Into Your hands I commit again
All I am for You, Lord
You hold my world in the palm of Your hand
And I am Yours forever

Jesus I believe in You. Jesus I belong to You
You're the reason that I live, the reason that I sing
With all I am

I'll walk with You wherever You go
Through tears and joy I'll trust in You
And I will live in all of Your ways
And Your promises forever

I will worship, I will worship You
~~~~~~~~~~
Have I been giving my all to God? I cant say yes. Gods been giving me so many signs and opportunities to really trust in Him. This song really spoke to me. Ive been leaving things in my own hands for far too long, and I need to surrender all and go back to Him. Heartbroken? Gotta go to God. But theres only so much I can do to go to God. Do I feel sad about this whole ordeal? Yea, and I'll feel it for the longest time. Through the darkest hours, I know only God can help me. I really hope things work out through Gods plan. Whether through the toughest pains of the world or down the easiest path a man can ever take. Gods the leader. Its never what I want. Its always what God wants. I really hope Gods plan was for me to be heartbroken. To many of you who have given me encouragements and uplifting advice, thanx. For those who have been praying for me, thanx. For those who will pray for me, thanx. I hope all of this will help someone someday. Whether someone I will never know, or the closest person I will know. Ive been moved by God to speak out. I hope someday, YOU will find out too, but for now, its all for God. Or else, why would I cry at church?

Fantastic Four

went to watch that today, and the movie actually turned out pretty good...well.....ok-good HAHAHHAHAHA yea...clem had free passes, so that was the main reason i went to watch fantastic four.....the other reason? jessica alba! AHAHAHHAHAHHA oh man she's so hot! hahahah no really, she's very pretty =) HHAHAHA yea....but there wasnt enough fighting in the movie....but yea, lots of kids watched it in the theatres, and im sure they liked it.....so yea, good movie! hehehehehe =)

ROCK CLIMBING!!!

wow! heheheheh went to "inspect" the rock climbing place with uncle albert, tim li, sharon, and co. HAHAHAHHAH so yea...it was ALOT of fun climbing up the walls and belaying each other! hahah yea....its gonna be alot of fun goin with sports camp next wednesday! hehehehee but yea...the rope reallly burns when ur belaying....got blisters on my hand cuz of it, but oh well, the climbing was alot of fun! hahah so yup =)

War of the Worlds

went to stc today and watched war of the worlds with peal today.....it was an awesome movie! hahh and even tho it was different from the book, the movie was still very exciting with lots of intense scenes! hahaha oh man the basement scenes of the aliens were so exciting! hahahah so yea.....its a great movie, although some ppl say it isnt that good...BUT IT IS!!!!

Max Lucado - "Come Thirsty"

...an excerpt...
...a prayer...
...a cry...
...for comfort...
...for learning...
...for growth...

Dear child of mine,
Are you thirsty? Come and drink. I am one who comforts you. I bought you and complete you. I delight in you and claim you as my own, rejoicing over you as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride. I will never fail you or forsake you.

ACCEPT MY WORK
I know your manifold transgressions and your mighty sins, yet my grace is sufficient for you. I have cast all your sins behind my back, trampled them under my feet, and thrown them into the depths of the ocean! Your sins have been washed away, swept away like the morning mists, scattered like the clouds. Oh, return to me, for I have paid the price to set you free.

Your death is swallowed up in victory. I disarmed the evil rulers and authorities and broke the power of the devil, who had the power of death. Blessed are those who die in the Lord. Your citizenship is in heaven. Come, inherit the kingdom prepared for you where I will remove all of your sorrows, and there will be no more death or sadness or crying or pain.

RELY ON MY ENERGY
You are worried and troubled about many things; trust me with all your heart. I know how to rescue godly people from their trials. My Spirit helps you in your distress. Let me strengthen you with my glorious power. I did not spare my Son but gave him up for you. Won't I give you everything else? March on, dear soul, with courage! Never give up. I will help you. I will uphold you.

TRUST MY LORDSHIP
Trust in me always. I am the eternal Rock, your Shepherd, the Guardian of your soul. When you go through deep waters and great trouble I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.

So, don't worry. I never tire or sleep. I stand beside you. The angel of the LORD encamps around you. I hide you in the shelter of my presence. I will go ahead of you, directing your steps and delighting in every detail of your life. If you stumble, you will not fall, for I hold you by the hand. I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.

Wars will break out near and far, but don't panic. I have overcome the world. Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. I surround you with a shield of love.

I will make you fruitful in the land of suffering, trading beauty for ashes, joy for mourning, praise for despair. I live with the low spirited and spirit crushed. I put new spirit in you and get you on your feet again. Weeping may go on all night, but joy comes with the morning. If I am for you, who can ever be against you?

RECEIVE MY LOVE
I throw my arms around you, lavish attention on you, and guard you as the apple of my eye. I rejoice over you with great gladness. My thoughts of you cannot be counted; they outnumber the grains of sand! Nothing can ever separate you from my love. Death can't, and life can't. The angels can't, and the demons can't. Your fears for today, your worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep my love away.

You sometimes say, "The Lord has deserted me; the Lord has forgotten me." But can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for a child she has borne? Even if that were possible, I would not forget you! I paid for you with the precious lifeblood of Christ, my sinless, spotless Lamb. No one will snatch you away from me. See, I have written your name on my hand. I call you my friend. Why, the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are valuable to me.

Give me your burdens; I will take care of you. I know how weak you are, that you are made of dust. Give all your worries and cares to me, because I care about what happens to you.
Remember, I am at hand. Come to me when you are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. I delight in you, and I can be trusted to keep my promises. Come and drink the water of life.

Your Maker, your Father,
God

church/biking/softball

hahah fun day today! i was really looking forward to it cuz it was so packed and everything was FUNFUNFUN!!! hahahahah first i went to church to help set up tents that were to be used for exodus sunday school later in the summer....hahah it was fun setting them up with tim li.....hahah tim and tim settin up tents out behind church! hahahahahahah yup that was fun..then went out to eat with mom and then went biking with my bike crew! hahahahah welll...2/3 of our bike crew....cyn had buffalo shopping and my bro got a tooth pulled out! hahhaahha but stilll it was fun goin out with becks, sam n' chap! hahahahah yupyup!!! FUN stuff...then had softball practice, which was really good too, except i couldnt hit that well without jon's TPS GOLD, the pure yellow and red one! hahahahhahah yea..my lucky bat wasnt there, so i didnt do that well..... so yea, htat was my day, which was very eventful, and actually, it didnt "distract" my true feelings, cuz i really enjoyed today, and it was prolly the best day of this summer so far! hahahah =)

Thoughts

yes, im still super excited with the Ravens and how we had so much fun on the softball field today! man....16 innings nonstop! (never had that at NYCBC!!!) hahahah that was alot of fun! but yea, u know what? i guess everything this past few weeks have really been fun, but they have covered what ive been really feeling i guess..... sure hangin out with the niners were fun.... biking, mr and mrs smith, more biking, fireworks, softball....those were AMAZING times.... but as ive sorta talked about in my Canada Day post, ive been feeling lonely.... yea... i guess its expected that everybody experiences loneliness, but its been real hard these past two weeks.... but Gods actually been giving me signs and opportunities to seek his help..... I'm reading Max Lucado's "Come Thirsty" rite now...(yes, the book that E gave me for my bday), and its been really refreshing to be reminded of God's presence and help........today's sermon reminded me of God's greatness and how he is ALWAYS there for me....and then one of the softball devos: leave your life decisions to God....... man, they were all such great signs and motivation for me to stop feeling so lonely, but i stll feel it......i really wanna just feel normal and just be happy with life, but the loneliness lingers on..........theres a huge empty feeling in my heart......my heart is torn, its been crushed, its been broken, whatever u wanna call it........its just been so frustrating that i still feel like that even though i wanna feel better so BAD!!!!! argh..... but i just cant seem to let go..... its hard man....only a few ppl know how im feeling, and im thankful for their advice and support, but this is a struggle that only I can determine the result.....and rite now, its beating me.... im losing, but i'll press on........"i need You, God, to truly shine in me"

RAVENS!!!

wow....the first ever ravens doubleheader this year! and althoguh we lost so bad in both games, we had LOTS of fun, and gained alot of experience! haha......and i made this amazing catch ;) HHAHAHAHAH and it got me icecream! MUAHAHHAHA yess.....centrefield is so good....i think im gonna be a full-time centrefielder pretty soon! hahah... yupyup......Ravens softball this yr will be AMAZING!!!! THANX FOR ALL THE FUN!!!!!!!

Canada Day!

wow...today was alot of fun! got a chance to go biking with the gr9s......hahahha and that was interesting, cuz i was the only gr12, but the gr9s were cool....my bro actually biked pretty well, and chap was the crazy adventurous biker as always.... the girls were good bikers tooo hahah and we explored so many places around miliken park....it was an awesome time!!!
fireworks at nite was AMAZING!!! hahah the show was a good 20-minutes long and the fireworks were sooooooo coool! some fireworks were so small as they went up but then BOOOM and u see them twinkle out!! hahah some were assorted colours.... some actually exploded more than once in the air to give it even greater twinkle effects! hahaha and some were just huge... like eye-popping huge....they basically exploded and it felt like they were coming straight to ur face! hahahha..... yea.... these fireworks were awesome! but u knwo... i kinda felt alone... i was with my parents..... and my bro basically was lazy so he stayed at home, so it was just us three.... and well, at miliken park.. i saw so many couples... or basiclaly kids/teens/adults with their friends.... but i was with my parents... hahah, but for sure, the time with my parents was so cool! i just wish i got to go with my friends and leave my parents for themselves to watch fireworks... or with friends so we could light them... or at least to be able to be with somebody my age so i can watch these awesome fireworks......... sigh... in the future, i guess, but i just wish it would be now....
all in all, canada day was a crazy and for sure awesome day!!! hahahah wow..... i hope we can have many more days like this!!!! =)